Group Pushes to Limit Steak Consumption

A group founded on dietary safety and health has started a new campaign against steak.  The group isn’t asking for an outright banning of steak by the FDA, but would support the idea. Jenna Smith-Johnson from the group commented that they aren’t trying to keep people from eating beef, just trying to limit its availability.

We aren’t pressing to end the consumption of all beef, not even all steaks, we’re just asking that regulators prevent the serving of Kobe beef steaks, buffalo steaks, and a few of the fattier cuts like the ribeye steak.  With the government taking on health care, we just can’t afford to keep paying the hospital costs for people that choose to eat this unhealthy.  Heart attacks, obesity, all of it are costs that those of us that don’t eat ribeyes and Kobe beef don’t want to take on

Mike Tillman of the North American Steak Producers and Ranchers (NASPAR), said that he fears this is just the beginning.

Sure, today they come after the rib roast, tomorrow it will be ground beef, the strip, filets, all of it.  This is an attack on beef plain and simple

A local Democratic Congressmen who commented only on the condition of anonymity expressed that perhaps compromise was possible:

Banning steak in restaurants just inn’t reasonable, but we could consider steak-eating and non-steak-eating seating areas so that those that don’t want to be lured by the smell of steak can eat in peace.

Jim Spellman of Steak Eaters Against Restrictions (SEAR) said, “Separating people isn’t going to make a difference, what next, we have to eat steak outside only?  Then what, a steak tax?  This is ridiculous.  They can’t keep me from eating steak – can they?  I mean, if they can keep me from eating steak, what else can they take away?”

The organization seeking to restrict the availability of certain cuts of beef, Beef Limitation Organizers of the World (BLOW), released this official statement:

BLOW does not want to limit anyone’s liberty, but we all have to share the responsibility for the health of American citizens now that we are going more and more into government health insurance systems like Medicare and Medicaid.  Obamacare has finally realized American’s right to health insurance and to make sure that right exists for all time, we must keep the population healthy.  We think that moderating the amount of beef available could significantly affect obesity and cardiac disease rates.

This article is pure fiction as are all events, comments, persons and groups mentioned within. Any semblance to actual events, comments, names or groups is purely coincidental and unintentional. No animals were harmed in the writing of the article, although it has made me really hungry. Steak, it’s what’s for dinner.