Binders Full of Women with Lady Parts in a Twist

Evil conservative men like Mitt Romney objectify women, don’t you know? It’s true! They just don’t get it that it’s important to help women in the workplace, and give them special treatment there. Women especially need help when it comes to landing jobs in government! And didn’t you know, he didn’t really ask for those binders full of women? Well, Wonkette said it, so it must be true! (They also showed us about those really gross books that creepy polygamist Mormons keep! Ewwwwwww!)

And those evil Breitbart people lie! They must have made up names of women that said they were treated poorly by the Obama administration. That’s so unfair! And Obama signed the Lilly Ledbetter thing, so it can’t be true that women working for him get lower pay! We need laws like that to protect us from evil businessmen like Romney, so they pay us what we deserve. No, they don’t get that women need protecting. They just fire back with quotes like “You can’t protect women without handicapping them in competition with men. If you demand equality you must accept equality. Women can’t have it both ways.” Who the hell cares what some woman named Mary Bell-Richards said decades ago? She was wrong anyway! We can have it both ways! Just ask Obama.

But worst of all, those nasty conservatives really need to stop condemning Muslims. Islam doesn’t oppress women! It’s a good and pious religion, and they all respect women greatly. And no, Muslim men don’t get virgins in paradise – it’s just a misconception. Didn’t anyone tell them it’s really raisins?

And if the conservative men weren’t bad enough, there’s the conservative women! How dare they suggest that they are not responsible for paying for birth control for any woman that wants it? Don’t they realize that it is their responsibility to take care of all other women? We have been fighting for our rights for years, and they just don’t get it! We have the right to control our bodies, and it’s the responsibility of the state to provide us with birth control. And they are wrong about the idea that women should choose workplaces according to their own needs. It’s our right to have the government force employers to do what we want. We deserve to have everything handed to us. All that guff about personal responsibility is nonsense! Just ask Obama.