Republicans Want to Kill Kitty Cats

Why is it that the Republican party cannot, for some reason, let loose a candidate who doesn’t make himself look like a horse’s ass whenever he opens his mouth? Here’s what happened:

In New York City last Thursday, a pair of kittens wandered onto subway tracks. The transit authority stopped train service for about half an hour while officers rescued the kittens. Some New Yorkers, showing how the city seems to be populated by one funny-talking sourpuss after another, got upset over the delay, mostly because they missed Jeopardy! The consensus among the angry was that the kitties should have been left to die. Nice going, New York. This is why terrorists blow you up.

The most offending part of this story, however, concerns comments made by Republican mayoral candidate Joe Lhota. When asked if he would have stopped the trains to save the kitties, this Tony Soprano wannabe said, “We don’t stop trains fer kittens, fuhgeddaboutit!” Then, realizing he had made an ass of himself, added that such a decision wouldn’t be made by the mayor anyway, but it was too little too late. His comment ranks as one of the most asinine quotes ever uttered by a Republican, probably worse than Todd Akin’s rape remarks. Is this the best the GOP can do? Does the party expect to win elections with these nimrods? Fuhgeddaboutit! The Democrats just won New York City.

On a side note, we couldn’t help but notice that one of the kittens was black, but President Obama has yet to weigh on on the matter. Perhaps, if Obama had cats, the black cat might be his.

The rescued kittens were taken to a shelter where hopefully they will be adopted by somebody who is not a jerk, but since New York City has a population of almost nine million people, it’s going to be a long wait.

One wonders what the reaction would have been had puppies wandered onto the subway tracks, but it’s also moot point. As Joe Lhota might say, “Neva happen!” Dogs are smarter than cats. They know better.

BRIAN DRAKE is a broadcaster in California and the author of The Rogue Gentleman, a thriller in the tradition of Vince Flynn and Brad Thor. Follow him on Twitter.