Shrek and Princess Fiona to suspend campaigns

Shrek once told a donkey that his kind were “like onions” due their complex layers. Well, the layered Ogre from New Jersey and her highness from HP have decided to suspend their campaigns – layers and all.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and former HP exec Carly Fiorina have dropped out of the hunt for the GOP nomination for president after dismal showings in Iowa and New Hampshire.

Not all Democrats are happy about his demise:

The Donkey: What? Shrek’s hurt? Oh, no, Shrek’s gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I’m fine.
The Donkey: You can’t die on me, Shrek! I’m too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?

There is no saving Shrek. The boisterous governor from New Jersey is exiting stage left after a last-ditch slashing attack on Marco Rubio at last Saturday’s debate.

Chris Christie has struggled to find anyone that believed that he was anything but a middle-left establishment candidate. Christie toed the line, hugged Lord Farquadd (Obama) and otherwise bowed to the federal government.

Princess Fiorina (Fiona) had a different issue. There was no mistaking her for a party favor. She was torches and pitchforks all the way, but to no avail.

Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
Snow White: Waiting to be rescued!

Alas, no rescue. Her campaign was poorly-executed and oddly marketed including this weird ad with puppies.

Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina announced decisions Wednesday to suspend their campaigns for the republican nomination for president.