Presidential Speech Tonight – No Crystal Ball Needed

Tonight the President of the United States will appear before a joint session of Congress to give a speech on what he considers important issues facing America today. With the exception of the State of the Union Address, which is required by the Constitution itself, presidential speeches to a joint assembly are usually reserved for times of crisis or for timely events.

Tonight’s speech however, is reportedly about the epidemic of unemployment in our country. These speeches are supposed to be given in response to unexpected events and the like but I have to wonder, when did this administration figure out that the economy was in trouble? What gave it away? Unemployment over 9%? Timely… for about 2 years!

So if unemployment is such a crisis today, why wasn’t it important enough to give a joint session speech a month ago when it was just as bad – say, when the President was at the Vineyard? Calling a joint session is a Constitutional prerogative of any President, but to do it just to inject your name back into the headlines is an abuse of power. Just call a press conference, dude.

Be that as it may, let’s predict what he’ll talk about tonight. The White House has already released talking points to many liberal media outlets. Other than the normal rhetoric, such as, “Congress needs to put country ahead of politics” and “asking the wealthiest Americans to pay their fair share”, here are some other things that will be probably regurgitated (the term ‘New in Box’ need not be applied here)

AND AS A BONUS, we will give you the translation for these points!

Obama: We inherited a down economy.
Translation: It’s all Bush’s fault!

Obama: We need to work in a bi-partisan fashion
Translation: You need to do what we want or we’ll call you names. And….It’s all Bush’s fault!

Obama: The time for obstruction and gridlock is over.
Translation: My turn, my turn!! My White House!! Me, me, me!!! Do it MY way. And……… It’s all Bush’s fault!

Obama: We need to put the country ahead of Politics
Translation: Politics meaning that you disagree with me. And…….. It’s all Bush’s fault!

Obama: That’s why I am proposing tonight, “The American Jobs Act”
Translation: That’s why I am proposing “The mug your grandchildren to pay off my base so they wont hang me out to try and I can get re-elected Act”. And…………… It’s all Bush’s fault!

Obama: I am renewing my call for civility
Translation: Exceptions have already been mailed out to union bosses, wacko Congresswomen from Cali who REALLY need to retire, majority ‘the war is lost’ leaders, all former Presidential candidates and Howard Dean. And…….. It’s all Bush’s fault!

Obama: Hope and Change.
Translation: I hope you got some change, cause stuff gonna cost a lot more when we’re done raiding the till. And, oh by the way….It’s all Bush’s fault!

New packaging, same manure.

OH WAIT, I do have a new prediction! I predict Apple’s stock to rise dramatically tomorrow morning based on all the Ipods that will be used in the House Chambers, so that Congress can watch the game. Hey, the President might get some applause after all! He’ll just have to time it with the next touchdown.